Six Months Later

Friday, 17 October 2014

Six months have passed since our dear dog, Otto, took his final breath and bowed out of this world. Six months without my best friend. In all honesty, it could have been a lot worse. Staying in Manchester over the Summer meant that I was only ever in Nottingham for a few days at a time, and so as soon as I had settled down, it was time to leave again. No time to notice the emptiness in our house; no time to hear the silence; no time to feel the eerie sadness.

Two days or so before we lost Otto, I (coincidentally) wrote this blog post, expressing my never-ending love for him. Within the blog post, I discussed knowing that he wouldn't be around for that much longer, but no way could I have known how little time he actually had left with us. As I'd written that blog post so near to his death, I felt like that spoke loudly by itself, and didn't feel the need to write a separate post about actually losing him. Today marks exactly six months from that tragic day, and so I'd like to take the time to reiterate everything that I said in my other blog post, but from the perspective of the other side.

If you are a dog owner, or ever have been in the past, you'll understand that your greatest fear is the day that you lose them. It sounds silly because, more often than not, you're going to outlive your dog. You know that fact when you welcome the dog into your family, and it's a fact that lives with you every day as your dog grows older. At first, it may not be of any concern, as you expect to have this dog to love and cherish for at least another 10 years to come. But as time progresses, you begin to realise how much this idiotic creature has come to mean to you, and how it'll rip your heart in two when you finally have to say goodbye. There is no relationship quite like the one that you share with your dog. There is nobody that you spend time with in the same manner; there is nobody that you can confide in so easily; there is nobody that will love you so unconditionally.

About one month ago, I made the error of watching Marley & Me. I thought that I was ready, but let me tell you know - I will never be ready. The fictional love that the characters fill their fictional dog with is far too overwhelming for anybody that has ever lost their dog. As much as I have tried to put into words the outright pain that I felt six months ago, and am still feeling now, nothing will ever explain it quite the way that Marley & Me does. The film succeeds in putting my blubbering emotions into heartfelt words, and because of this, I sobbed the entire way through. Don't get me wrong - I'm a crier. I can cry on cue at almost any film; heck, I cry every time something slightly emotional happens on Gossip Girl. But I have never quite cried the way that I did that night... I have never felt so much stabbing pain from watching a movie. To turn the dagger even more, Marley dies due to a twisted stomach - the exact same reason that my own dog died.

This is a direct message to you, Otto: thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being the shining light that I needed throughout my childhood. You were the one that was there for me in a way that nobody else could be. Thank you for filling my life to the brim with constant laughter. Thank you for loving me during periods where I didn't think I was worthy of love. Thank you for letting me love you the way that I have always longed to love another. Thank you for being the stupid mut that you were. I've said it countless times before, but it will always remain the truth: you are the love of my life. Always have been, always will be.

Sweet dreams, Otto x x x


  1. This is one of the sweetest, but upsetting posts I have ever read. I have a stafforshire bull terrier called Benson. He is my best friend, he listens to me all the time and is always there when I want a hug. I'm so sorry for your loss, just know that he is running around in doggy heaven having the time of his life. Sending you hugs and love xxxx Laura

    1. Dog love it just a completely different kind of love! Thank you for your kind words :) x x x

  2. You never loved him enough to take him for a walk though... Over 20,000 miles I walked with Otto!
    Love Dad

  3. I am so sorry for you. Your dog seems lovely and you have the photographs and the memories - they last forever. X

  4. I am so sorry for you, your dog seems lovely, sending you hugs xx